I Hear Voices

The vogue for the past few years on television in Belgium  (and elsewhere is seems) revolves around three major themes as far as I can tell: housing (usually surprise renovations or extreme cleaning sessions), eating, and singing. Throw in the unbridled and uninhibited, shameless racism and sexism that permeates almost any prime-time program and you pretty much have covered the spectrum of what you will find while zapping the digital airwaves here.

However, leave it to Belgium to inject the political rift between the French-speaking Walloons and the Flemish-speaking Flemish in a way that clinically would only be known as schizophrenia, leaving me to wonder if that is in fact the diagnosis for this “country.” Why the quotation marks you ask? Well, if you know anything about Belgium identity, it is that there is no such thing as Belgian identity, except for well, being born within the borders of the UN-recognized, sovereign state currently known as Belgium. A tautological conundrum, to say the least.

So, if you are living in the northern, western provinces of Belgium, chances are you speak Flemish as your native language and consider yourself Flemish (meaning there is a good chance that you share some political sympathies with a leaner, meaner Bart de Wever) before Belgian, and certainly European before Belgian, usually. But, we’ll get to that in a moment. Furthermore, if you are from Ghent or its environs, chances are you may have even grown up also speaking French, but the only place you would most likely ever dare to speak is in France, because if you are truly Flemish, when you go to predominantly French-speaking Brussels, which is neither really feline (Lion), nor fowl (Rooster), you will often begin in Flemish because, by God, Belgium is supposed to be tri-lingual (we’ll leave the poor German-speaking stepchildren alone for the moment).

Yet, when you quickly become annoyed that the Brussels denizen does not speak Flemish, primarily because nobody in Brussels is actually Belgian (see definition above of “Belgium”), but rather from northern Africa, Turkey, eastern Europe, western Europe, Asia, America, or anywhere else BUT Belgium, then you will resort to French or English begrudgingly, but all the while secretly feeling superior because you also speak Flemish. Snarky and snide? Absolutely. Comes with the territory.

However, on the other hand, if you live in the southern part of the region of Belgium, you will most likely speak Walloon, a very antiquated dialect of French, as you first language and are probably more or less comfortable calling yourself Belgian and/or Walloon, without too much anxiety either way, and you are wondering if your compatriots, using that term very loosely, are really series about establishing a Confederacy without you, even though for the first 100 years or so of the sovereign state of Belgium, it was the South who carried the North on their backs. How quickly we forget.

So, when it comes to television, the lines are drawn equally so ferociously and never the twain shall meet. For, if you live in the North, you are eagerly awaiting the impending finals with Bert, Glenn, Silke, and Iris of the singing show, The Voice van Vlaanderen (The Voice of Flanders), while in the South, you would be watching the The Voice Belgique (The Voice of Belgium), which airs on the French-speaking network La Une. And, what’s more absurd? Neither show acknowledges the other one on its website, and as you will note, the majority of the songs sung by the contestant are in English. This pretty much sums up the dilemma here.

There is no cooperation, no compromise, and as a result, one is left with petty regionalism to spite the other. Bart De Wever and co. have called for a Flemish Confederacy (I will suppress the Kennedy Toole temptation for allusion here) yet again, after finally the country deciding upon a government. Excuse me, Neem me niet kwalijk, Excusez-moi, or Entschuldigen Sie mich, bitte, but is that not a bit counterproductive? To spend over a year establishing a government and before it even has a chance to be proved effective or not, not even a year’s probation of sorts, he is already clamoring for secession.

There are many Voices here in Belgium, and unfortunately they are often talking to themselves, and not looking at the big picture, but rather choosing for the fractured, factionalized schisms that plague this country. My question, I guess, is what show the German-speakers chose to watch?

Or, is there yet another Voice in my head?