Don't Say "Please" If You Please

One of those little differences between living in Belgium (and traveling in Europe in general) is the verbal or non-verbal exchanges that are involved with a monetary transaction or other types of cultural bartering.

Being back in the United States currently, the absence of anything being said is quite noticeable. When in Flanders and you are handing over your money for say, a coffee, you say, "Alstublieft," which means "If you please," being a direct correlation to the French, "S'il vous plait." To which the salesperson will say "dank u wel" and from there it is kind of a free-for-all. Next, when you get your coffee, the salesperson hands it to you saying, "alstublieft" You can reply again with "dank u wel" or some other similar verbal pleasantry. This can go on a few times, back and forth, until one of you breaks the monotony and the transaction is over. And, then you go on your way.

However, a rather annoying trait of many Flemings is the insistence on speaking English, despite one's sincere efforts to speak Dutch/Flemish. This may be done with good intentions at times, but other times it is rather, "don't bother, my English is better than your Flemish will ever be..."

When at that point of a transaction it reverts to English, instead of "alstublieft" when handing you your coffee, for example, the salesperson will say, "Please." Now, I know that he or she is trying to be courteous, or to show off his or her English skills, but in all honesty, that is worse than nails on the chalkboard for me. Yes, that is petty of me, but, I really cannot explain why this gets to me at my core. But, when I am back in the States, it is clear.

For the most part, shopping, customer service, or other commercial transactions, they are almost always more convivial in the States, or at least in most places. Customer service is, by and large, something that Americans do at least strive for, but in Europe, for the most part, it is considered a minor to greater annoyance for the service person. Customer does not always come first, and often not second, third, fourth or even fifth. As Leopold Bloom thinks to himself in Joyce's Ulysses, "Come forth Lazarus! And, came fifth and lost the job..."

Usually, or at least in parts of the "south or southwest," when you walk into a store, restaurant, mortuary, auto shop, barber shop, whatever, you are treated like the long-lost friend, coming back home from years trekking across the Outback. Relatives are called, hugs given, tears shed, hand me a tissue Tito...

But, when it comes to the actual exchange of the money and the goods, Americans are amazingly silent! We just thrust our money out, silently, and the service person takes the money silently, then, back to best, long-lost friends.

During that simple transaction, it is nearly a reverend silence, or an embarrassed moment like you are paying for a drug deal or selling your first-born child. Whereas the money/goods exchange in Belgium may be the only pleasantry or verbal exchange at all in a mercantile setting, in America, the exact opposit eis true.

When I am back in the States, then, during that weird silence, I feel compelled to say something, anything, but when I am in Belgium and they say "Please" I want to scream, "WE DON"T SAY PLEASE DAMMIT," but I don't. Instead I usually make some growling noise like Perry the Platypus from Phineas and Ferb...