Muscles from Brussels?

Mosselen!

The mussels are coming, the mussels are coming, on a whimper rather than a bang, that is.

Tomorrow is the official start date for mussels season in Holland, but leave it to the Flemings to get a jump on the show. We'll show those damn Dutch! The two main food chains, Carrefour and Delhaize are jumping the gun and starting the festivities a day early. Only one problem, well, actually, two.

Apparently this year's crop of mussels is not so bumper. What is the world coming to!?! First, the real "Muscles from Brussels," Jean-Claude Van Damme is doing laundry detergent commercials (that is a blog entry in itself, don't worry!) and now this. The mosselen are not only 20% more expensive, but that much smaller. I expect total chaos, just waiting for the other clog to fall. Pure pandemonium. You know, Bill Murray in Ghostbusters, "cats and dogs, living together" kind of end-of-the-world chaos. I am going to batten down the hatches and avoid grocery stores at all costs, no telling what these Flemings are capable of doing in such a crisis.

As for me, the mussels things just sort of went South one day. There was a stretch of time that I was just bonkers about bi-valves, but now, eeeuuuwww. I don't know what happened. I would go to the store, get a pack of the Super Jumbo Extra Monster mussels and make up a steaming pot of them with so many spices and coconut milk and curries and lemon grass and lions and tigers and bears, oh my! And then, one day, as I was about half way through the pot, I just actually really looked at the things.

What the HELL am I eating?! was what went through my head. These things are bottom feeders, basically a stomach and guts and, well, to put it politely--mussels' excrement. As I said, eeeuuuuwww.

So, the mussels' pot has long since been retired and I can't say I miss 'em. But, who am I to stand in the way of a time-honored tradition? For the "origin" of Belgian's eating mussels, see the Asterix comic "Asterix and the Belgians." Spot on. Hilarious.

Oh, Jean-Claude, what happened? Has the thespian in you no shame? Who am I to think of now when I hear Men at Work's song "Down Under..."? I weep.

the horror, the horror